Compatibility is one of the most essential things to have in a marriage.
If you and your partner aren’t compatible, you won’t see eye to eye on various issues and this can cause problems and conflict.
But, don’t opposites attract?
While you don’t have to share all the same interests and traits your partner has, being similar in some important ways enables you to enjoy a happier relationship.
The important thing to note is that compatibility is about more than having similar interests and hobbies.
It’s about ensuring that the person you start the journey of marriage with has the same values and wants the same things you do so that you can grow together.
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Signs You And Your Partner Are Compatible
If the following points ring true for you, you’re in a compatible relationship with your partner.
You like who your partner is right now
If you want to change something about your partner, this signals that you’re not happy with who they are. Having compatibility means you love your partner as they are right now.
You can sort through your issues amicably
Having similar fighting styles is a good sign of compatibility. This ensures that you can work through your issues together without turning on each other or creating larger conflicts.
You know how to communicate
Being able to communicate effectively with your partner is an important element of being compatible.
When you listen to each other and give each other the opportunity to express thoughts and feelings without harsh criticism, you can connect on a deep level.
You are both willing to compromise
When you and your partner share the same views on compromise and meet each other halfway, this reduces conflict and makes you both feel that you’re committed to making the relationship work.
You share the same values in life
If you have core values in common, this means you have a solid foundation on which to grow together as a couple.
Your core values, of which family, accountability, and trust are some examples, control your thoughts and actions, so you want them to be aligned with those of your partner.
You share the same vision for the future
Where are you headed, and what does your partner want from their future?
You have to ensure you are headed in a similar direction, otherwise you won’t be able to find common ground. This could result in a lot of conflict, or compromise for one or both of you, resulting in unhappiness.
You’re both equally invested in the marriage
You should never feel doubtful of your partner’s feelings for you or their level of commitment to the marriage.
This is a red flag that your partner and you are on different pages, aren’t compatible, and their emotional landscape varies from yours.
They might have different needs and wants to yours, which can lead to relationship dissatisfaction for both of you.
What Are The Deal Breakers When It Comes To Incompatibility?
While there are some compatibility issues that you and your partner can work through, such as by being open to compromising when it comes to pursuing your different interests, some are red flags that you’re with the wrong person.
The sad truth is that sometimes you can be too different to make a relationship work, especially in the long term. Here are some incompatibility deal breakers:
- You have very different views on money. If your partner loves to spend their money and you want to save as many pennies of your hard-earned cash as you can, this can cause major problems. While you might be able to compromise, if your views are very different they might be impossible to deal with.
- You don’t share the same humor. This might surprise you – how can a different sense of humor be such a big marriage deal breaker? Well, sharing the same sense of humor is considered to be one of the top three most important qualities that people want in a partner. While you might think it’s no big deal if you and your partner don’t laugh about the same things, it can cause you to feel lonely or misunderstood in the relationship.
- You have different levels of emotional intelligence. This type of intelligence involves being able to sense what other people are saying and perceive their feelings. If you have a high level of emotional intelligence but your partner doesn’t, or vice versa, it can cause problems. Emotional intelligence affects many situations, such as arguments and conflict. It’s also important when you need support in your relationship. It can prove frustrating if you find yourself with someone who doesn’t make an effort to understand where you’re coming from or support you when you need encouragement.
- You have very different lifestyles. From what time you get out of bed in the mornings to how much time you spend at work, and what you like to do on the weekends, your lifestyle should be in sync with your partner’s as much as possible, otherwise it can cause problems. For example, if you like to get home for dinner but your spouse wants to hang out at the bar; or, if you like to go out a lot with friends on the weekend but they want to spend time with you.
How to make incompatibility work
Just because you and your partner have huge incompatibility issues, it doesn’t mean you should be heading to divorce court (yet). You can try to make things work. Here are some suggestions.
- Respect each other’s perspective. This is crucial to having a successful marriage. You should be open and honest with each other about what you want and need, not just in the relationship but in your individual lives, so that you can work through your differences and understand each other better.
- Identify the things that are not flexible. You both have core values and deal breakers that are not flexible. These are important to you, so you should express them to your partner and be open to hearing what is important to them. This exercise also helps you to set healthy boundaries in your relationship.
- Get ready to compromise. There are also things about you, such as your interests and hobbies, that you can compromise on sometimes, such as if your partner wants to go watch a football match and you want to go to a concert. You can make time for your individual interests, hobbies, and passions. If you have many differences, understand that you’re going to have to compromise a lot – and your partner has to be on board if the relationship is going to make it.
Can You Change Your Partner?
It might be stressful to see just how incompatible you and your partner are, and this could make you dread having to go your separate ways.
You might try to work on your differences, but if that doesn’t work you could consider trying to change your partner.
The truth is that you shouldn’t do this. For starters, it’s disrespectful to them because it’s basically telling them that they are not enough for you just the way they are.
They might also feel hurt that you are trying to change them even though you knew what they were like from the start of your relationship.
They will get the idea that you were hoping they’d change as time went on, so it’s like you were dating the idea of who they could become instead of who they already were.
Even if your partner is open to trying to change, they will have to compromise a lot in order to make you happy – and they might never meet the expectations that you have set. This can result in a lot of resentment, on both of your parts.
The bottom line: Someone can only change if they want to, but you shouldn’t choose a partner who you consider to be a work in progress.
That’s not fair to either of you. They will harbor resentment that you wat to change and control them, and you will feel unsatisfied or disillusioned.
Related Questions
What’s the leading cause of divorce?
In America, the leading cause of divorce is a lack of commitment, followed by infidelity.
What are the three most important things to have in a marriage?
A healthy, happy marriage should have respect, commitment, and love, of which the latter involves putting your partner first.
Conclusion
You love your partner but you’re not compatible in many ways. This can cause obstacles on your path and might even make you worry that your marriage isn’t going to last.
In this article, we’ve provided you with information you need to know about compatible marriages and how to make them work when you and your partner are on different wavelengths.
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