If your relationship is not built on trust, you don’t have a real one.
While that might sound harsh, without trust you can’t depend on your partner, you don’t know where you stand, and you will report lower relationship satisfaction because you don’t feel secure.
Can you love someone without trusting them?
Love and trust are very connected. You can’t love someone if you don’t feel that they’re being honest with you or you fear that they’re going to leave.
If you want to bring your relationship greater stability and harmony, you need to boost your trust. Here’s how to take your relationship to a higher, more committed, level.
Table of Contents
How To Build Trust In A Relationship
- Don’t rush it. You might want to have a trusting relationship with your partner, but you shouldn’t try to rush trust. As the old saying goes, trust is earned. It takes time to build trust, but it’ll be worth it because it’s the strong foundation your relationship needs to survive and thrive.
- Keep your word on the little things. If you can’t keep your word on small actions, such as sending a text or calling the other person when you said you would, how can the person trust you when it comes to bigger issues? Be a person of your word!
- Be consistent. You can’t trust someone who gives you mixed messages. You have to be consistent and clear so that your partner can see you’re reliable and dependable.
- Speak the truth. You can’t be trusted if you’re lying to your partner. Express your honest feelings and thoughts, as this will ensure your partner can trust you. They also won’t think that you’re hiding parts of yourself.
- Share your vulnerability. It’s not always easy to open up to your partner, especially in the early days of your relationship, but it’s essential to build trust. As you get to know each other, being open about your pain, life, failures, and secrets will help you connect and bond. It also encourages your partner to reciprocate this action.
- Make quality time a priority. It’s not always easy to find time for loved ones when you lead a busy lifestyle, but when you make time for your partner you show them that they’re a priority – and that you’re committed, which means they’ll be able to trust you and how you feel about them.
- Admit to your mistakes. We all make mistakes from time to time, but if you don’t accept responsibility for them people won’t find it easy to trust you. A person who’s trustworthy is open about what they’ve done wrong and how they want to make things right.
- Sync your words and actions. If you pay lip service to your partner, they’ll soon realize that you don’t mean what you say. It’s important to ensure that your words and actions are compatible. For example, if you say that you want to be in a committed relationship but you’re spending all your spare time with friends at the pub, you’re giving your partner conflicting messages. They won’t be able to trust you.
What Should You Do If Your Partner Has Trust Issues?
If your partner has been dealing with trust issues, this can make the relationship difficult.
You might feel that no matter what you do or say, your partner doesn’t trust you.
There are many reasons why someone would have trust issues, such as if they didn’t receive care or didn’t feel accepted during childhood, or if they were badly hurt by a previous partner and now assume that everyone is going to hurt them in the same way.
This can cause them to have their guard up because they don’t want to get their heart broken.
Here are some things to bear in mind and what you can do to help your partner who has trust issues.
- Be a good listener. It’s essential to give your partner support by letting them express how they feel and what they’re afraid of, without making any judgements or trying to fix the problem.
- Ensure that you’re transparent. If your partner has trust issues, they might always be looking for signs that you’re going to do something to hurt them. It’s therefore essential to show them that you’re an open book, such as by avoiding secretive behavior or giving them mixed messages.
- Open up. If you want your partner to open up to you about their feelings and fears, you have to do the same. This builds trust. When you share who you are and your deepest truth with your partner, they will see that they can trust you – and they’ll be encouraged to do the same so you can work through any issues together.
- Be patient. Maybe your partner starts a fight with you when you’ve gone out with your friends, or your partner thinks that you’re not being honest with them. It’s not easy to deal with someone who doesn’t trust you, especially when the problem is deeply seated into their being because it stems from their past. You have to be patient! Even if you’re a supportive person, the person isn’t going to magically start trusting you overnight.
- Avoid toxic trust issues. While you want to encourage your partner and show them that you’re trustworthy, this doesn’t mean that you have to engage in unhealthy behavior to prove your worth to them, such as sharing your email passwords or showing them your private chats. You deserve to have privacy in the relationship.
- Seek professional help. It can be beneficial to seek out a couples therapist who can help you and your partner to better communicate and work on your issues together. By offering to go to therapy with your partner, you also show them that you’re committed to them and making your relationship work.
Can You Rebuild A Relationship When Trust Is Damaged?
Perhaps you used to trust your partner, but now the trust has been broken.
Maybe they cheated on you or lied to you, and you feel like you don’t know them anymore. On the opposite side of the spectrum, perhaps you did something to damage the trust you and your partner shared.
Can a relationship be salvaged when the trust is no longer there?
You can rescue a relationship after trust has been broken, but there are important things to consider.
- Think about why the trust was broken. There’s no good reason for your partner to break your trust, but it can help you to move through the issue by considering what caused the situation. For example, did they lie to protect you? Or, did they go out of their way to betray you and manipulate you? By understanding the reasons, you can figure out if your relationship is worth saving or not.
- Consider your future happiness. Everyone has deal breakers, those things that they won’t put up with in a relationship. If your partner broke your trust and has committed a deal breaker, you will have to take time to figure out if you can look past the situation and be happy with them again in future. For example, if your deal breaker is cheating and your partner had an affair, you need to seriously consider if you would ever be able to trust them again. If not, or you know you’ll always doubt them and be unhappy, it’s not worth pursuing the relationship.
- Be honest about your feelings. Your partner needs to be willing to listen to what you have to say about how you’ve been affected by their actions. You should be able to express your hurt and what you need from them in order for trust to be rebuilt.
- Check their responses. When you speak to your partner about the betrayal, how do they react? Are they genuinely sorry? Do they give you time to express what you feel or do they want to avoid communicating about it? Do they acknowledge that what they did was wrong? Answering these questions is important so that you can see if they’re invested in making things right.
When Should You Throw In The Towel?
Rebuilding trust in your relationship is difficult, but it’s possible.
You and your partner both have to be committed to doing it. It’s not worth staying with someone who isn’t as committed as you are to having a trusting, healthy relationship.
If any of the following are present in your relationship, it’s better to end things than continue the relationship.
- Your conversations are close-ended.
- You assume the worst about each other.
- You have unrealistic expectations of each other
- You feel drained or anxious around your partner.
- You don’t feel intimate, whether emotionally or physically.
- You don’t have quality communication.
- Your conflicts are never resolved (for example, perhaps because one of you is always trying to avoid them).
Related Questions
What are the five apology languages?
Apology languages are different ways in which to show genuine apology: expressing regret, accepting responsibility, correcting the situation, repenting, and requesting forgiveness.
You can combine more than one apology language.
What’s a good trust exercise you can do with your partner?
An example of a trust exercise is to stare into each other’s eyes for three minutes. Studies have found that this activates the limbic mirror system of the brain so we can understand other people’s actions and emotions.
Conclusion
Trust is essential in your relationship, but sometimes it can be broken. In this article, we’ve looked at how to build trust with your partner as well as what to do when it’s been shattered.
While trust can be reinstated, you and your partner both have to be committed to making the relationship work otherwise it won’t be healthy or happy.
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